IT'S OVER AT LAST

Scott Morrison announces the return of better times

The Prime Minister, Scott Morrison will today announce that the record drought is officially over.

Speaking from the basement at Kirribilli House, his official Sydney residence, Morrison said, “I have always believed in miracles, and today another one has manifested itself before me.”

The PM will make his welcome announcement later today in company with Ministers Angus Taylor and Matt Canavan, backbencher George Christensen and One Nation’s Malcolm Roberts. It is believed Deputy PM, Michael McCormack will later make an announcement from a safe house somewhere near Nyngan.

“I was praying last night that the world would herald our success at cutting greenhouse gas emissions by including reductions made under the Kyoto agreement, when the Lord spoke to me,” Morrison said.

“So today I will announce that I have instructed all relevant bodies to add surplus rainfall and flood heights from our wet years to the figures for 2018–19.”

“Thanks to my government’s initiative, the rivers will flow again and grateful farmers will be in full recovery mode.”

Asked about the toxic smoke pall covering Sydney, the PM said that his government was still struggling with Labor’s mishandling of the economy and that he did not respond to gossip.

“How good is creative accounting?” he said.

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